![]() ![]() “Solitude is not only a state of mind essential to the development of an individual’s consciousness - and conscience - but also a practice that prepares one for participation in social and political life.” And maybe, to Jennifer Stitt’s point, it threatens the whole damn planet. In other ways, I know that idea, unexamined, threatens my sanity and health. Not to put too fine a point on it, but women throughout history have traded their very lives for the idea that there is nothing more important than nurturing others. It’s the kind of behavior shift that might seem like shallow self-help, but can actually be a profound breaking of a generational curse by which women automatically subsume their own needs and desires and end up sad or sick or bitter. Besides, when I’m not with my girls or working, I am doing the nine million tiny, invisible things that a parent and partner does, or having breakfast at my favorite diner with my dear friend, or biking furiously in order to get to a yoga class.Įven so, I know there is no excuse. Perhaps there is no greater anxiety for a mother, or at least one with my particular temperament and family history, than the fear of becoming dependent or professionally unfulfilled. And continue developing my professional identity. You might wonder, why not rescue my endangered solitude during hours when I have paid childcare? Because I have to make money. It’s where the sick turtles go to get unsick. In those moments I try to read the Sunday New York Times on the sly while “making art” with my daughter and she’s not fooled for a second: “Momma, momma, momma. ![]() But sometimes, I grow dumb with longing for them now. Sometimes, those dreams chill sweetly with the promise of a future manifestation.
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